I Will Not Run
by RideItLikeYouStoleIt
Summary: Rosalie has always loved Esme, but had always run from her thinking her love was unrequited, this time she's decided to leave for good hoping it will lessen her pain and help her forget. But Esme won't let her go so easily. Femslash


"Who wants to go hunting?" Emmett announced, getting up and looking at the others. They murmured a chorus of agreements and began making their way out. Emmett looked over to me hopefully.

"I've already hunted." I stated in a bored tone. His eyes were sad as he smiled at me, I fought the feelings of guilt that threatened to bubble up as I glanced at him briefly before turning away again.

"So have I." Esme's beautiful voice graced my ears as she sat opposite me, watching me intently. Oh great, she wanted some mother/daughter bonding time, it's like she wants to torture me.

After the others left, she continued to stare at me, and before I could get up to seclude myself in my room, she spoke. "It's hardly ever just the two of us." _'With good reason.'_ I thought to myself.

"You hardly ever interact with us anymore, not even Emmett and he's your mate." She said the last part a little sullenly and looked down at the floor briefly. I felt my anger rise and I snapped.

"He is not my mate! That's the problem! I love him but not like that, he knows all this but still wants to be with me, I'm sick of everyone's expectations!" I felt a little guilty watching Esme's shocked expression. But it quickly disappeared when I thought of how pathetic I would feel pining after someone I could never have for the rest of my existence.

"Why didn't you tell me Rose? You know I would never judge you right? I love you." My cold bitch mask slipped a little at those innocent words. Esme's soulful eyes peered into mine as she moved at vampire speed to sit next to me, her hand gently resting on my knee. Damn it all to hell! How was I supposed to try and get over these feelings when the woman I'm practically head over heels for (not that I'd ever admit it), was always so kind, loving and absolutely perfect all of the time. I'd known for a long time now that she had my heart, but Carlisle had hers, and I know she would only ever love me as a 'daughter'. I steeled myself, unwilling to give into her love. I would only be hurt in the long run.

"It isn't your problem, or anyone else's for that matter, that's what I hate about this 'family'," I sneered the word, "there's no fucking privacy."

I could see the hurt in her eyes and tried not to flinch at my own harsh treatment of her.

"Rosalie, why do you always pull away from me?" Esme's voice was firmer, more persistent, I couldn't help but stare into her eyes as her gaze turned to penetrating.

"Wh-what? That's just how I treat everyone Esme, no need to try and guilt trip me into talking."

Her eyes narrowed and her hand gripped my knee a little harder as she leaned forward, a slight growl in her voice, "no you don't, I can't remember the last time we were alone together, Rosalie. Or the last time we had an honest conversation, or hunted together, it's like you don't want me near you. Do… do you hate me that much Rosalie?" She looked as close to tears as a vampire could get.

"N-no Esme." I lowered my head, defeated. "I could never hate you." I whispered, before swiftly getting up at vampire speed and dashing out of the house.

I had to get away from her before I lost it and revealed everything I had been so desperate to hide, my desire for Esme. I ran for miles, heading toward Canada, when I was suddenly tackled from behind, crashing into several trees before being pinned to the nearest unharmed tree, Esme's body flush against mine. A small sound escaped me as my eyes widened, locking onto her's.

_"__Rosalie."_ She half growled, half purred, causing me to shiver in want. Her eyes turned pitch black as she continued to hold me in a trance. I recovered enough to manage a half-hearted growl at her. Then she smirked at me and damn if it wasn't the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

"Don't run from me Rose, I'd just follow you if you do, it hurts every time you reject my love, all I ever wanted was for you to let me in Rosalie. I love you so much and I want you to be happy." I snarled, pushing her back.

"Well sorry to disappoint, but that isn't gonna happen, not here in this godforsaken town and not with _your_ family!" I stopped, wondering if I said too much, I could see the wheels in her head spinning as everything began to click into place.

Her eyes were still dark when she whispered, "you were planning to leave us weren't you?" It sounded more like a statement than a question. I turned my head, unable to meet her gaze, I didn't answer.

Suddenly I was against the tree again, her hands holding my arms tightly by my sides while Esme, sweet, caring, reserved Esme, was shaking and growling like I'd never seen her before. She was getting lost in her beast, why was she so angry? I hated myself for causing this reaction in her, I'd finally done it, I'd finally pushed her too far and now she hated me. _'Maybe even more than Edward hates me.'_ I thought in despair.

I was staring into the pitch black of Esme's anger as she leaned forward, pressing her front hard up against me again, as she slowly moved her face away from mine and her teeth closer to my neck. I became rigid as her deep growls continued to rumble next to my ear. _'Was she going to bite me? End me?'_ I didn't feel any fear, only despair that the woman I loved most was going to end my existence without even knowing my feelings. At least it was her, Esme, who would finally end my miserable undead life, she's the only person I would never fight against, ironic that she would give me the only other thing I wanted besides her, death. It's not like vampires can kill themselves. I've tried to after all, our nature doesn't allow it. At least this way I'd get one of the things I've longed for.

All these thoughts and feelings raced through my mind in a few seconds as I waited for her to make her move. Then she whimpered against my neck, my heart clenched at the noise, and my self-hatred increased exponencially knowing that I made her make that sound. She began nuzzling the crook of my neck and whimpered again, her sad, distressed noises tearing at my heart causing a small whimper of my own to escape my lips.

She was silent for a moment before she began rubbing and nuzzling a little more vigourously, her small purrs increasing in volume. I didn't know what to do, I've never seen Esme behave like this, like, a vampire I guess, she's usually always so composed and passive. I never thought I'd be pinned against her with her purring and rubbing herself all over me like this.

_"__Rosalie…"_ Her voice was husky and came out as a purring growl. I gulped as my lower body clenched at the sound against my will.

_"__Rose… don't leave me… love… you… so much… my… Rose… MINE."_ She growled the last word and my breath hitched. If my heart could still beat it would have exploded out of my chest at that moment. She growled again and I felt her teeth graze my neck. I whimpered again and felt heat surge between my legs. Esme pulled back to stare at me again, her lips pulling upwards into a smirk as her nostrils flared, smelling my arousal. Her eyes became heavy-lidded and she moved her face closer, _"Rose…"_. She pressed her lips against mine and I swear I felt electricity coursing through me from our attached lips. The kiss started gentle, until I moaned into her, feeling like I was in heaven. The sound of my desire spurred her on, pressing her mouth more harshly against mine, tongue snaking into my mouth. I never knew she could be so… aggressive, she was dominating me, and I loved every second of it. It's a good thing we don't need oxygen because I honestly couldn't tell how long we stayed in our lip-locked embrace. I never wanted it to end, I felt something strange, in my chest, pulling at my heart as I finally found the willpower to break away from the kiss. I had to end it before we did something I might've ended up regretting, as much as I wanted her, she wasn't mine, she was _Carlisle's wife_. That single thought felt like a bucket of ice cold water dumped on my head. She would have to go back to him, and I would die if I gave myself to her only for her to leave me and return to _his _arms, they've been married for years, she wouldn't choose me over him. With those thoughts I gently pushed her back, away from my body, my eyes on the ground, I didn't know how to handle this, I didn't want to hurt her more than I already have, but I sure as hell couldn't let her hurt me either. I brought my gaze to her's, seeing the confusion and hurt reflected in those dark orbs.

"Enough." I tried to slip my ice bitch mask back on, but I wasn't sure how successful it was, I was practically going insane right now, my beast had awoken and was urging me to claim her, and my chest was still hurting a little.

"Rosalie… what's wrong? I'm sorry I upset you, I just couldn't help myself, I love you… so much." Her voice was distressed, her eyes pleading. I almost caved.

"What's wrong is this can't happen, Esme, you're _married_, to Carlisle, your… mate," I practically spat the word, "you love him, and I won't let you use me like this." Her face was the definition of pain at that moment, and I allowed my self-hatred to expand further. She clutched her chest, as her emotions flitted across her face, shock, horror, despair, love, determination. I took a wary step back, as she straightened up and caught me in her hypnotic gaze once again, stilling my movements.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way, Rosalie, I should've guessed that you'd react like this. But I thought you knew that Carlisle and I aren't true mates." She frowned, "The others know, Edward, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, I thought you did too." I'm ashamed to say I just stood there and stared like an idiot as I processed that information.

"What? What do you mean? You've been married for years! How can you not be mates?" My brain cells seemed to be melting as I could only concentrate on that one huge detail, that up until now has been making my so-called life miserable.

"We never were, I mean sure we loved each other when we got married, and I still care for him, but I'm not in love with him. To be honest, after my… human life and my newborn year being rather… difficult, I was just glad that someone loved me, and cared for me, so I accepted his love." Her eyes were begging me to understand. "But everything changed when I saw you, Rosalie." She slowly took a step toward me, I couldn't move even if I wanted to.

"Even though something terrible happened to you, you were strong and resilient through your pain. I wanted to help you, to hold you, to do anything for you, but I knew you wouldn't let me. You needed time. I didn't want to upset you so I settled into the 'mother' role everyone expected of me." I was trembling at her words, deep down I knew she was right, but then why has it taken so long?

"Then you found Emmett, you begged Carlisle to save him and we all thought it was because he was your mate. I gave up hope then and stayed with Carlisle, even though I felt guilty that I didn't love him anymore, it was easier then I thought, as he seemed to have lost interest in me… physically anyway. I didn't know what else to do. I loved you all too much to leave him." Inside I was so happy, I almost couldn't believe her words, my beast was growling in delight and urging me harder to claim what's mine. _'Mine? Is she mine?'_ My beast was roaring yes! Mate! Mine! Ever since she had kissed me, it wouldn't calm down, or go away. I felt quite overwhelmed, I need some more time to sort this out in my head, I don't want to rush ahead and claim her while I'm in a state like this, it wouldn't be fair for either of us.

"I need… time." I whispered, watching her expression fall and her eyes shimmer with venom tears. Without another word, I bolted, away, far away from all of them, I needed to be alone for a while. I heard her anguished roar in the distance, betraying the pain and rejection of my absence, the frightening sound causing me to almost turn around and run back to her. The pain in my chest intensified as the distance between us increased, it was almost crippling, the pull was urging me back in Esme's direction, but I couldn't, not yet, she deserves the best from me after she had the courage to confront me, and tell me everything like that. I felt like such a coward, I hadn't told her my feelings at all, I just ran. Rosalie Hale never backs down from anything, but Esme, it seems. I just hope she'll forgive me.


End file.
